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I have always been a fun loving, live-and-let live kind of person. But with the passing years and the twists and turns of family life, I sometimes feel I’ve wandered on to the wrong trail and don’t know how to come out of it. Regrets dog me. Just at such low times there comes along a force that instantly makes me feel that all the struggles have been worth it. It may be a friendly word, something I read, or listen to, but best of all is the chirping of birds in the early morning, which never fails to remind me that there’s always something or someone for whom it’s worth living for, no matter how bitter you might have become. So friends, always look out for that rainbow, the silver lining,the Christmas star hanging outside a ramshackle hut, listen to the bird song, the ocean waves, and yes, to the sounds of silence. They energise you instantly and help you see the beauty of life.

All you folks who are married,and those on the verge of it–some rambling notes on this topic which seems to be shadowing every eligible person and his/her parents.I find there’s so much confusion in everyone’s mind these days. Girls are encouraged to get the best education,work for the best companies, and suddenly–bang!!the hot topic crops up, it’s time to “settle down” more’s the pity if she’s already made a choice.What is “settling down”? For me, marriage(of course,after an extended honeymoon) was the most unsettling experience and i still seem to be fumbling around, more so with the passing years.It has meant giving up a good job, a secure home with loving parents,my good friends, my independence most of all,and even the concept of economic independence is fake,since just because a girl earns does not guarantee that she keeps the money to use as per her discrection,nor does she even get to keep it at all. “Settling down” means having children, which is again most unsettling,because we had just got to learn about each other when along came this helpless soul and we had to spend all our time/energy/resources trying to figure out how to be a good mom–no, it is not inborn, let me tell you,mother’s instincts are a big myth, a new mother is absolutely clueless,learns as she and the baby spend more time together.Naturally this means the dad tends to spend more time on his own, and that is the beginning of the end of “settling down”.
Of course the dad is too busy with his growing career graph, mom tries her hand at all combinations of part time/freelance/home based work,and finds that a stay-at-home mom is best after all. That’s what i did, and was suitably rewarded knowing i was doing justice at least to the kids, today they are happy and healthy,admired by all.

Money, jewellery, cars–I have actually come to hate these, as they’ve caused so much misunderstanding and anguish in my personal life, there have been more fights than pleasures from these things which are supposed to bring comfort. so naturally i look for solace towards something more lasting and dependable than these fleeting things. Of course being with kids and good friends too are great fun. Some wonderful moments I can never forget are driving into Bangalore on a rainy day, when the gulmohar trees are in full bloom, reaching my parents’ home to their joyous welcome, seeing all my old familiar things there, and the flowers blooming on the plants I had tended so lovingly. These are really the riches in a person’s life worth treasuring, as no one can take them away from you.

A lot of people seem to be writing about kids these days–has Children’s Day which just passed us by triggered this off? While all of us romanticise childhood, don’t many of us keep telling our own kids to ” act grown up” every time they show us their childish pranks or moods? How many of us really make the time to become kids with them and forget about all our adult preoccupations for at least a few minutes everyday?

My husband suddenly realised one day that my daughter is already a teenager and really regrets he missed out on her growing years. Now she is too busy with her own life and doesn't need us much. Hope this will help people realise it’s not enough to say childhood is great, but we should help kids enjoy theirs as much as possible. Even if it means they lose out on some study time make sure they play enough as these memories make a very strong impact on their adult behaviour.